GIG: Panicale

Festa in Piazza in Panicale to celebrate the opening of Simone's restaurant!
Free food and wine : hence loads of people, so we did an impromptu concert! Great fun!

Qantas

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

The Rt. Hon.?!!

This is unbelievable, but true!
Can you imagine working for a Company that has a little more than 600 employees and has the following employee statistics?
It's the 635 members of the House of Commons.

29 have been accused of spouse abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
9 have been accused of writing bad cheque's
17 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year

World Crisis solved!

As the Pound gets to parity with the Euro, then surely we can revalue the mile closer to the kilometre and then everywhere will be closer together and we'll use less fuel! Hurrah!

*ankers

'A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it starts to rain'

Mark Twain

'A management consultant is someone who borrows your watch to tell you the time and then charges you.'

A management consultant: yes, he did say it to me and with a smug laugh!

The Italian Way

I have good friend who does odd jobs for me around the house; they have always been beautifully and efficiently done................. until now.

Just over a year ago I realised that the gubbins on the bath taps which switches from tap to shower was blocked solid. He came along and with great patience and skill, wacked it as hard as he could and snapped the gubbins proclaiming 'See it's broken!' He then ordered the part, saying it was silly to change the whole thing, and also saying that it might take some time. After a year I felt a little impatient. 'I'll go this week and get it': another month passes. I get angry he say 'I'll go Monday.' He doesn't. A week later, I said 'You've forgotten where that shop is then?' He laughs: I tell him I'm pissed off. At this point the story changes: he's doing work removing of these fittings which I can have. Nothing happens, until he arrives at my door with a full new set. It takes him five minutes, to fix it taking the route that I was happy to take a year ago... Mamma Mia.
PS His reason for not changing it was that the whole unit would have cost us €40: in the end, this is what we did at a cost of €50.

Helium 'Article'

This is the introduction to an article published on www.helium.com under the title

Comparing digital and film photography in visual arts

Digital photography uses organizational tasks and management from photographers including those who are not experienced in both visual arts. There are total features spared on an old digital camera's image than on an image from a film camera. Using digital cameras is hard because no manufacturer has strengthened the flexibility to create the usual pictures on a regular 2 by 4' paper. .................

Helium's tag line is 'where knowledge rules.' Discuss

POST SCRIPT
The offending article has been removed as being 'off-topic' : off world would have been more appropriate.