Saturday, 27 June 2009

Michael Jackson

Whist uploading the previous post, I was browsing idly, and came across a site claiming that Michael Jackson had faked his own death, with friends of the paramedics who found him saying, it didn't look at all like him etc. etc.. Quite a 'believable' conspiracy theory? yes until you read that the next story is, wait for it:



This is part of an ongoing project entitled: 'At a slight angle to the universe' completed for an exhibition entitled Contaminazioni Urbane: this year's theme being love.

Love can put our lives out of balance. We don’t know where (and often, who we are…) Every second alone could be a year; but every hour together seems like no time at all. Time changes. We lose our sense of equilibrium and sense of direction. In this project, I wanted to try to emulate this sense of confusion; when love contaminates our daily normality.

'At a slight angle to the universe' AMORE from Rowland Jones on Vimeo.

Friday, 26 June 2009

thoughts on user names

Why DO people want to call themselves moondrivel gumboot macvitie or some such??!

Tuesday, 16 June 2009

GIG: Caffe Venezia Chiusi

Stefano as usual delighted to have live music: played ate and drank for three hours.........

GIG: Panicale

Festa in Piazza in Panicale to celebrate the opening of Simone's restaurant!
Free food and wine : hence loads of people, so we did an impromptu concert! Great fun!


After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.


P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

The Rt. Hon.?!!

This is unbelievable, but true!
Can you imagine working for a Company that has a little more than 600 employees and has the following employee statistics?
It's the 635 members of the House of Commons.

29 have been accused of spouse abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
9 have been accused of writing bad cheque's
17 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year

Wednesday, 10 June 2009

World Crisis solved!

As the Pound gets to parity with the Euro, then surely we can revalue the mile closer to the kilometre and then everywhere will be closer together and we'll use less fuel! Hurrah!

Wednesday, 3 June 2009


'A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it starts to rain'

Mark Twain

'A management consultant is someone who borrows your watch to tell you the time and then charges you.'

A management consultant: yes, he did say it to me and with a smug laugh!

The Italian Way

I have good friend who does odd jobs for me around the house; they have always been beautifully and efficiently done................. until now.

Just over a year ago I realised that the gubbins on the bath taps which switches from tap to shower was blocked solid. He came along and with great patience and skill, wacked it as hard as he could and snapped the gubbins proclaiming 'See it's broken!' He then ordered the part, saying it was silly to change the whole thing, and also saying that it might take some time. After a year I felt a little impatient. 'I'll go this week and get it': another month passes. I get angry he say 'I'll go Monday.' He doesn't. A week later, I said 'You've forgotten where that shop is then?' He laughs: I tell him I'm pissed off. At this point the story changes: he's doing work removing of these fittings which I can have. Nothing happens, until he arrives at my door with a full new set. It takes him five minutes, to fix it taking the route that I was happy to take a year ago... Mamma Mia.
PS His reason for not changing it was that the whole unit would have cost us €40: in the end, this is what we did at a cost of €50.

Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Helium 'Article'

This is the introduction to an article published on under the title

Comparing digital and film photography in visual arts

Digital photography uses organizational tasks and management from photographers including those who are not experienced in both visual arts. There are total features spared on an old digital camera's image than on an image from a film camera. Using digital cameras is hard because no manufacturer has strengthened the flexibility to create the usual pictures on a regular 2 by 4' paper. .................

Helium's tag line is 'where knowledge rules.' Discuss

The offending article has been removed as being 'off-topic' : off world would have been more appropriate.

The 10 weirdest MP expense claims

The used to be referred as the Right Honourable? Any suggestions for a new title

1. Glitter toilet seat

Who: John Reid, former Home Secretary

Reid's Glasgow flat must be quite something - he claimed for a DFS sofa, which comes with instructions to 'plump cushions daily', a £199 'pouffe' and a toilet seat that would make Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen blush.

2. Three Kit Kat Chunkies

Who: Hazel Blears, Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government.

According to The Sun newspaper Blears bought the late night snacks while staying at the City Inn hotel. A ‘friend’ of Blears said she had been “feeling lonely” and had “wanted something to cheer her up.”

3. Moles removed from country estate

Who: John Gummer, former Tory Cabinet minister

The former Environment Minister claimed £9,000 a year in gardening expenses over a four-year period including £100 to rid his lawn of moles and bills to remove jackdaw nests, combat insect infestations and an annual 'rodent service' contract.

4. Light bulb installation

Who: David Willetts, Shadow Innovations, Universities and Skills Secretary

We can't decide whether it's more embarrassing to pay someone to install 25 lightbulbs in your home, or to admit to such a thing by submitting receipts for the workman's bill?

5. Horse manure

Who: David Heathcoat-Amory, Tory MP

The former Foreign Office Minister claimed for 550 bags of manure, as well as £5 to repair a wheelbarrow puncture and £6 for use of a chainsaw. Frightening.

6. Moat cleaning

Who: Douglas Hogg, Tory MP

Mr Hogg has agreed to repay the £2,200 it cost taxpayers to clear the moat on his country estate, Kettlethorpe Hall. His neighbour, Frank Barton, 69, remains unimpressed though, telling the Daily Mirror: "I've met [Mr Hogg] and he's very arrogant. It's like he's Lord of the Manor. I've been trying to get him to sort out the vandals on my street but it seems he was too busy filling out his expenses."

7. Jellied Eels

Who: Andrew Rosindell, Tory MP

It is good to see that the MP for Romford, Essex, is supporting local business by sampling his constituency's traditional snack but, surely, he could have found the £1.31 from his own pocket?

8. Fluffy dusters

Who: Steve Webb, Lib Dem Work and Pensions Spokesman

No flies on Mr Webb who managed to get us to pick up the bill for stamp duty on his Westminster pad, and none trapped in cobwebs either, it seems. Wonder if he donned a pinny and did the dusting himself?

9. Sit-and-ride lawnmower

Who: Geoff Hoon, Transport Secretary

Mr Hoon lived rent free for three and a half years in Admiralty House, London, when he was Defence Secretary meanwhile earning money from a London property he called his main home and claiming for the upkeep of his consituency home in Derby. What's more he gets a ride-on lawnmower while the rest of us have to make do with a Flymo.

10. Ice cube tray

Who: John "disco bathroom" Reid, (again) former Home Secretary

The former Home Secretary makes our list twice, for claiming for two ice cube trays at £1.50 each. We bet he had Llewelyn-Bowen over for Mojitos.

I need my debt relieving.....

So the US has bailed out GM to the tune of $50 billion: and I hear the CEO say this has relieved our debt from which the company has been suffering:

Oh that we could all go to the bank/state and say I need my debt relieving!!!

I haven't got a company jet to sell.